How to know when it’s time to see a Therapist?

Stress is a fact of life. No matter who you are, the reality is that in some shape or form, a stressor (or several) will arise. And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. As humans, we are pretty tough and can usually cope quite well when challenges are thrown our way. Whenever I find myself worrying about a patient, I remind myself that “people are not fragile”. In fact I have learnt the very opposite in my years of experience as a therapist. I often hear stories from patients about things they’ve gone through and how they have navigated them. Problem saturated narratives often obscure from view this simple idea that people are resilient. However, in the face of our resilience, it is sometimes easy to forget that life stress shouldn’t overwhelm us.

The media often portrays therapy as a place for a specific type of person. You’ve seen the stereotypes: the weak wife struggling to leave an abusive relationship, the crazy lady who really needs to be on medication, the rich and entitled who go to therapy as a fashionable pastime. The misconceptions about who goes to therapy are endless and indeed harmful. They mischaracterize the purpose of therapy and who may benefit from it. Below you will find some of the most common reasons why you should consider seeing a therapist, that isn’t based on outdated stereotypes and mischaracterizations.

One of the most common reasons for people entering therapy is for emotional distress. Whilst it is completely normal to feel sad, frustrated or anxious, when these feelings persist for long periods of time without relief it can become problematic. Emotional distress can often result in an impairment of functioning, which can also be a sign that it might be time to see a psychology therapist. Functional impairments can be particularly distressing as they are the physical manifestation of how your distress is affecting your quality of life. You might notice that you’re struggling to concentrate at work, or that you can’t perform your duties as effectively as you used to both at home and at work, or your interpersonal relationships are beginning to suffer as you no longer want to interact with your social network. Sometimes when people aren’t attuned to their internal emotional states, it is only when impairments begin to occur that they realise that something is wrong. It might even be the case that it is the observation of a loved one that highlights that  therapy might be a useful next step to work through particular challenges.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog post, people are resilient. And with this resilience comes efforts to cope through trying times. Sometimes our efforts are effective and we are able to successfully navigate life’s challenges. There are other times however, when the coping mechanisms that we employ are less than effective. It isn’t uncommon, for example, for people to utilize substances to numb difficult feelings. Amongst professionals for example, there is a common practice of throwing oneself into work to distract from emotional distress, a highly ineffective coping strategy. When the solution to a problem is also a problem, this is an indication that professional support might be beneficial.

Increasingly, I’m seeing in my clinical practice people who are struggling in their interpersonal relationships. There’s probably a myriad of factors as to why this is and so I won’t delve into that here. However, poor quality relationships are an important barometer for whether it’s time to see a therapist. We know, from research, just how important social relationships are. People with good quality relationships with their friends, family and community tend to be happier and report fewer health problems (both physical and mental). So if you’re finding that you’re arguing more and more with people, don’t find enjoyment or fulfillment in your relationships, are avoiding social interactions and it’s affecting your quality of life, a therapist might be able to help you make sense of this and make some improvements in this area. 

Sometimes what triggers the need for a visit to a therapist is the unsuccessful transition through a major life event. Change is a constant in life and there are times when this can feel destabilising. Grieving the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, moving house, changing job, giving birth and even events such as personal injury or illness can trigger difficult feelings that are difficult to process alone. Sometimes people are able to navigate these challenges with a friend, family member, religious leader or by themself. However, when sources of support are not able to provide the necessary guidance through major life stress, a therapist might just be what makes the difference between a successful transition and a difficult one. 

There’s another common presenting problem that shows up in therapy that is often described as a sense of “stuckness”. Patients feel like they aren’t progressing in life and are literally stuck in a position that leaves them feeling unfulfilled or uninspired. It can be an uncomfortable feeling whereby without the input of a specialist, one can remain in a cycle of repeating unhelpful behaviours. Essentially, anything in your life that you struggle to make sense of that impedes your ability to thrive can be a rationale for a therapeutic input. The important question is how long these difficulties last for and its impact on your life and the lives of those around you. 

Seeing a therapist can sometimes be a necessary next step in the face of certain life experiences. And sometimes it isn’t the best course of action at all. What’s important is knowing that therapy is an option for when nothing else is working and you are keen to make positive changes in your life. If you’re not sure whether therapy is for you, it might be worth reaching out to your local mental health service to find out a little bit about what they offer and to have them clarify any questions you might have about the process. 

If it helps, below are four things you can expect from therapy if you do decide to take that step:

1. A non-judgemental space to talk openly about yourself and your experiences;
2. The use of evidence based approaches to help you achieve your goals; 
3. The confidence that your therapist is bound by patient-doctor confidentiality and will maintain your privacy;
4. A well-trained professional who has developed the necessary skills and techniques to guide you through your presenting problem(s)

Written by Dr Shamarel Odusanya DClinPsy, AFHEA