The second layer, and what happens when a family doesn’t have one

Most families under strain have a second layer beneath them. Grandparents, aunts, older cousins, the
neighbour who has known the children since they were small. Not for emergencies. For the ordinary
Tuesday when someone is ill, or late, or simply at the end of their patience.

A family that has moved countries has usually left that layer behind in the country they came from.
Nobody took it from them. They moved, for good reasons, and it stayed where it was. The absence is easy
to underestimate.

What goes first is not love, and it is not competence. It is slack. Every small failure has to be absorbed by
the same two adults, and there is nobody underneath to catch what falls.

In a piece published on Psychreg on 7 September I look at what the research shows about who actually
helps inside an extended family, and at what happens to two adults when the only support available is
each other. Two people can carry a great deal. What they cannot easily do is carry it indefinitely without
noticing the cost.

The article argues that this is a structural problem rather than a personal one, and sets out what helps and
what does not.

If any of that sounds familiar, it may be worth ten minutes.

Read “The Family with No Layer Beneath It” on Psychreg →

Ms. Sarah El Nabulsi, M.Sc., M.A., M.A.
Clinical Psychologist and Clinical Director
DHA Licence No. DHA-75083705

To know more about Sarah, visit sarahelnabulsi.com